Pre-Season Training for Steely Thighs

Its true. Ski season is upon us. But here is sunny New Delhi, it seems far, far away. For those with closer access to the ski hills, this post will not help you. For me, its probably more cathartic than anything else. On with it.

I have a date with a ski mountain at the end of this month. I'm getting butterflies. I wake up at night in a cold sweat. What will I do? What will I say? Will the mountain like me too? I think this date requires a little preparation.

Waking up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, is, unfortunately, not that far from the realm of reality. My worst nightmare: I'm so out of ski shape and practice that my first day back on the slopes is one of pain, misery and embarrassment. Yes, the first day telemarking of the season always involves a little bit of pain and misery, but pre-season training can help relieve the pain and set the correct frame of mind. With these sunny days, cows strolling in the street, and chai-wallahs relaxing on the street corner, telemark prepped thighs and a snow-steeled head are far my daily reality. I think I've gotten to the stage where my fear is slowly morphing into the motivating factor to get into ski shape - and to ensure I don't lose gnar points for making hot tub runs or call the day early to head for the bar.

I have dawned my running shoes, shorts and shirt and gone running a few times a week for a few weeks now, and the looks of locals are always the same: those that acknowledge my presence indicate no friendliness in their faces. Blank stares. Incomprehension. Most avoid eye contact, encouraging me to do the same. There are the few who say hi, or give a sign of encouragement. A few kids will give high-fives or say how are you, but its nothing compared to the onlsaught of village kids chasing after you for a mile or so smiling and yelling, and then asking for money, like I experienced in Africa. The runs are fraught with other obstacles, including deer, peacocks, pigs and unruly kids - yes, even in New Delhi. I also heard stories of eight foot angry cobras - but that's personally unverified so far.

But solid prep for skiing and telemarking requires more than a sauntering jog. Thighs of steel don't come THAT easily. So here is the Theis Delhi Telemark Workout Plan:

1) Lunges. Lots of them. You really can't do too many lunges. If you thought strange looks came from running, than you haven't seen anything yet. Choose a side street, alley, or walkway in a park. Uncrowded if possible, because the jaw-dropping looks might cause you to fall over when your legs are at the throbbing brink of collapse. Don't let that stop you. Continue to lunge until your throbbing legs do collapse.

2) Wall sits. Having a mid-day cup of coffee? No need for a chair - just pull up a wall. How about brushing your teeth? Need a work break? Better yet, encourage a colleague to a wall-sit-off. Yes, competition IS a motivator.

3) Mountain climbers. Let me guess, you haven't done these since you were in elementary school, right? Well (whisper), me neither. But don't let that stop you now. Breathless and panting, keep those legs moving as fast as you can. How else are you going to get those seamless turn transitions in the deep pow?

4) Jumps. Find random things to jump on. That park bench - yep, up and down. Three sets of 30. Now. Go. That awkward half stone half dirt curb - perfect. One leg only, up, down, side to side, up, down, side to side. Switch legs. Tired of jumping on things? How about done that dirt path over there? 20 in a row, standing long jumps. Did you make it further than you did last time? Done with lunges? Think again. Jumps + Lunges = The Next Level. In place, lunge right, now jump, switch legs, and lunge left. Ah yea, now that's tele'ing in Delhi!

5) Mix it all up. Lunges, jumps, mountain climbers. Tired? Breathless? You can recover with sit-ups or push-ups. Don't neglect that core!

Phew, Im tired just typing. Good thing I wrote the post in a wall sit. That much closer to those steely, telemark prepped thighs... bring on the snow.

Suggested additions to the work out plan? Please!

Oh India.

Its the small things that are causing India to grow on me. Yes, the food is delicious. No matter how much vegetable subji with roti I gorge on, all the intricate flavors and spices, diverse veggies and new ways to prepare them keep it interesting. I never realized that true Indian food is eaten with your hands. It is. The obsession with hand washing prior to meals emphasizes the point, especially as each bathroom tends to hold a surprise - one may have toilet paper, one may have a hose, the last a hole in the floor with a bucket.

There are the unattractive bits: the half eaten rat in the alley outside of a string of restaurants and open kitchens, with full-bellied birds still presiding over the corpse; or the pervasiveness of poop - human, dog, cow or goat - even in the most upscale of Delhi neighborhoods. It seems like these add flavor to the nation's character. I can go for a run in wooded areas at the outskirts of the neighborhood, and be as likely to run into the garbage collectors of the city - pigs - as I am to run by wild peacocks.

And then there are further intrusions on the local culture...

My first ride of the Delhi metro was exhilarating. It is brand new, built for the Commonwealth Games held last year. It only took me about 1.5stops of dirty looks to realize I had their disdain with my inadvertently gotten

into the 'woman only' car. In my defense, I followed a mixed group of young students - but it did slowly dawn on me that I was the only male on the train. It was just me and a carload of Indian woman expressing presence - not a word was said - just seething, penetrating looks. When I changed to a different metro line, I made sure to get into a 'mixed' car. Getting 'on' became relative, as I was forced into the car in a throng of humanity, and had to fight my way into the exiting wave of bodies at my stop. High population density has its disadvantages.

I emerged from the Delhi metro at a large park, and tried to find the entrance. It was completely on the other side, with the perimeter of the park surrounded by a chest high fence with large metal spikes. Two Indians noted my obvious dismay at the situation and suggested the three of us jump over - "Hey," they said, "this is India." We picked the nearest location, where a security guard soundly slept on the other side, leaning against a tree. The first to jump over nearly fell on his face, rolling in the dirt on the other side. The guard slept on. The second very awkwardly made his way over - but without incident. In my graceful attempt to hop over, I lost my balance - misjudging the weight of my backpack. At my zenith, I caught my pant leg on one of the protruding metal spikes. It soundly caught as I fell backwards, and I found mys

elf suddenly upside-down, dangling, partially supported by my pant leg, my clinging to the fence, and a crowd of hands that had rushed to the seen to prevent 'the crazy expat' from dying. High population density has its advantages. Laughing, I pushed/pulled up and over, carefully extricating my ripped pants from the fence. The security guard slept on.

Yes, every day is an adventure. But its the small gestures and often ignored details that make it all the more memorable - and make India an amazing place.

PS. I know this picture wasn't taken in India, but I can't describe awkwardly dangling and express it any better than this.

I had never put two and two together before arriving in India. All the Bollywood films and first or second generation Indians I have met never really expressed the importance. But now that I am here, it is crystal clear - it is an essential survival skill - the Indian head waggle.

- Its useful in conversation, giving immediate affirmation to the speaker.

- Its a simple, effective way to communicate thank you and appreciation to the taxi driver, waiter or receptionist.

- Its a way to say hi to passersby.

- If you are really good, it will get you tea, coffee or a wonderful subji without saying a word or moving a finger! My microwave can't do that!

And when I say head waggle, don't get me wrong. Some people here shake their head vigorously.

There is only one problem. The Indian head waggle conveys the exact opposite meaning from every movement my head has ever made. My up down to express affirmation doesn't work here. Left to right here is what means 'Yes'. Now, just picture it (because it has happened a little too often in the short amount of time that I have been here so far) - where I get animated during a conversation and shake my head up and down - and the person across from me gets animated, and shakes their head side to side. Up - down - side - side - up - side - down - side. Now you can see how confusing it can be. And that's from my point of view. They just probably think I'm some goofball from the planet Mars that has never exercised the side to side neck muscles, just the up and down ones. The more I shake up and down, the more they shake left and right. If I'm not careful, I think I may cause someone's head to fall off during a business meeting. I can only imagine the repercussions from that:

"Latest American Cultural Blight Causes Severe Neck Pain."

"Americans Waggle Wrong, Ministers Heads Roll."

"Misinterpretation of Head Nod leads to WWIII."

Wait a minute - this is starting to sound familiar. A little too familiar, isn't it? It is. No - it isn't. AHH!!!! KRRRPPPOOOWWWW!!!

A Little Further Across the Pond, and a Little Less South

I sat this morning on a Delhi street corner eating breakfast. For a little less than $0.50, a gentleman with a gas skillet on a cart had made me an egg omelette between two pieces of white bread - but it was the minced chili pepper that gave it the Indian flare. I watched the sleepy Saturday morning bustle. Two men next to the omelette cart were busy rolling dough and making Roti. A dilapidated scooter repair stand - an open air 20 sq. ft enterprise - was not yet open for business, but a line of scooters awaited. The barber next door, however, was open. A tarp was tied to a tree to create a roof and single wall, upon which a mirror hung. A man in a chair was getting a shave. A few stray dogs looked hungrily for scraps, a bicycle completely loaded with brooms of all types for sale stopped, and a few cars/auto-rickshaws/scooters cruised by on the paved streets.

Its a few centuries away from the scene of the previous week in the more rural landscape of Bodhgaya. Animals roam the streets freely, wandering from one trash heap to the next - pigs, cows, goats, dogs - they all take their turn, often sharing whatever treasures lay therein. Chickens dart between small houses across a dirt alleyway. A watery, green sludge pools around the wells and winds its way along the alley, following the path of least resistance to a larger, fetid pool. Animal excrement dots the walkway, and an overpowering smell will occasionally take hold. The alleys bustle with nakeed and half naked children laughing, running to and fro, and playing in the dirt. Shops fill the alleys, selling soap and candy. Emerging from the dirt alleys onto the street and you are at once confronted by organized chaos, with auto-rickshaws (indian tuk-tuks) darting between pedestrians, bicyclists, moped, motorcycles, buses and animals. Cows stop traffic, but not much else will slow down the speeding vehicles, honking vigorously to announce passing, watch out, give me space, and move it all at the same time. There are ATMs and tailors, fruit sellars and ice creakm hawks, stores with luggage, sunglasses, shoes and phones. Street food abounds, from rotis to pan, and restaruants fill the gaps with plastic chairs and tables spilling onto the street.

It seems that rural or urban, there are very different sides of India - that of the 21st century, and that of the 18th. Tech companies and fancy cars contrast with the rice paddies and temples. Its a little further across the pond, and a little less south, but its my new home.

No Longer in Limbo

"Hi, Mr. Travel Agent. I would like to book a one way ticket from Boston to Mumbai for Sunday, I have a meeting in India Tuesday morning."

...

"Yes, I know its Friday."

...

"Can you also book a ticket from New Delhi to Denver sometime around Christmas. On second thought, there is a high likelihood that I will need to go to Zambia between now and Christmas."

...

"That's right, Zambia."

The conversation didn't go quite like that. I expected it to, but the travel agent has delt with us a few too many times. He didn't even blink an eye:

"How about I book you on this completely refundable ticket through Ethiopia to Zambia from India, so that in the case you do go to Zambia, you've got it. If not, give me a call, we'll cancel that one and find another way to get you out of India for Christmas."

It was a down to the wire decision - Zambia vs. India. In the end, India came through.

Yes, its been A LONG time since the last blog posting, and yes, they have come VERY infrequently since my departure from Zambia.

My aim is to remedy that.

India will be my new home for the foreseeable future. Home...? You might say more like homeless at this point. Since returning from Zambia in June, I've been bouncing between hotels, friend's spare bedrooms or couches, and my cherished tent. For the next three weeks at least, I'm bouncing around India to meet with a number of partners. Hotel rooms and couches - Indian style.

Homeless ... no. Nomadic.

Ah, and happy mo-vember from Mumbai!